I pulled out the loose leaf binder marked 78-79 and started reading.The first thing I noticed was that the very first entry, after a rambling introductory paragraph that simply made no sense to the nearly twenty-one year old me, was about Becky. Or rather, about my internal conflict over Jennifer and Becky. Had nothing changed in nearly five years? I’d have to come back to this, because my goal at the moment was to think about Birgit and Karin.I skipped around quite a bit, reading passages I wrote about Birgit and trying to find proof one way or the other. Then I came to the pages labeled June 10, 1978. I knew they were written days later, but they captured the utter despair I’d felt at Birgit’s death. I saw the tear-stained pages and knew that I could never, ever, simply enter this into my computer and dispose of the pages. They meant too much to me. I read every line and tears began streaming down my face as I read them. Tears, unshed for the past couple of years, now flowed. The bulge in my pants faded... And I saw my breasts rise...from slight bulges, to visible... to reasonable and pert... breasts...I stared and looked as my shoulders became smooth and small..."NO! What's..."I reached up and felt the now rich luxuriant perm I seemed to have..."You made... its... TURN ME BACK!" Out of the question... now one more change need be made."I tried to fight it. I did. But what came next... was uncanny... God...my heart was melting... my breath became ragged... and all I could seewas her... She loved me. I knew it. She did this out of her love forme... I tried to reject it, realizing what this was but... God. It wasso sweet so wonderful and I had so little of this... No. I won't, Ican't resist this... with that, it washed over me... I knelt beforeher, reaching out in supplication... Then throwing open my arms,showing my body for her pleasure... reaching round she grabbed a dressand threw it over. She then neared, and aided me in putting it on... myheart stopped.
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